I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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