Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize