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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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