Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
