i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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