I love watching others lives come down to our level.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize