Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
