Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
