Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize