I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
