yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
