Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
