You can't special order awesome
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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