i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she looked like the before picture.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
