Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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