All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
