You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dignity is for republicans.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
