His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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