Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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