I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
