i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
