I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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