Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
