Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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