She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
