I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
