You're my little dorito
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
