Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
