K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
