I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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