Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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