I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
