the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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