you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
