Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my liver is dry heaving
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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