I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
