theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
