he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize