your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
