Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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