I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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