I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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