Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
