Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
