Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
