there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize