Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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