all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
