New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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