I just cut my nipple shaving
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
