I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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