I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize