took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
