the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I love you. Go after that dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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