Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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