We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize