she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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