I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
