i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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