I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
