So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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