Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
