Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize