so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
