I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
