what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
